By Elizabeth Kruska
Any time I see a last name ending with “-man” I tend to think that person might be some sort of superhero, like Spider-Man or Superman. I don’t know Mr. Lampman, but I immediately envisioned him like this: all dark clothing* with red gloves, and an emblem of an old-timey gas lantern on his chest that has a yellow glow around it. And obviously there’s a cape, because I suspect nobody gets into the superhero business without the promise of a cape.
Superhero Interviewer: “You’ll bring lightness to the world.”(*Anyone able to tell me why superheroes always wear tights? Can’t someone be super in, say, a pair of Levi’s and a hoodie? I’m wearing a hoodie right now with a big outline of the state of Michigan on the front, and I gotta say, it’s comfy and I feel pretty super. Also, as an expatriated Michigander and Wolverine, I am duty bound to add, “Go Blue!”)
Potential Superhero: “Do I get a cape?”
Superhero Interviewer: “No, sorry, our cape budget is maxed out.”
Potential Superhero: “You know, I have a degree in electrical engineering. I don’t need this nonsense.” *storms out*
Anyway, it appears that Lampman in this case has a completely different superpower, which is stealing building materials from partially constructed structures.